Manners? YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!!!
This has irritated me for some time, and it’s time I got it off my chest – maybe some of you will agree. To those who do not, no apologies will be offered.
Since when did it become acceptable business/professional etiquette to address a FULLY GROWN, OBVIOUSLY BORDERLINE SENIOR ADULT by his/her first name?
Case in point: I went to see a surgeon last week because the inevitable is looming in my future – a knee replacement. I walked into the orthopedic practice, a highly recommended practice, to find the waiting room jammed with people, 5 “check-in” desks, with only TWO of them staffed, and a line just for me to sign a piece of paper to let some phantom worker to know of my arrival.
“STEPHANIE!” I approached the desk with insurance card and copay in hand, wondering if I were going to the Principal’s Office. “Uh, did you mean “Miss Patterson?” “Yeah, Stephanie.” Well, I knew I wasn’t going to get very far with this kid. So I handed over my insurance card and check and waited to have the card and receipt returned. “Have a seat.”
Three minutes later.
“STEFANYA!” I didn’t look up. That’s NOT my name. “STEFANYA!” “Did you mean “STEPHANIE PATTERSON?” “No, “STEFANYA.”
Two minutes later.
“STEPHANIE!” “I’m Stephanie Patterson.” “Yeah – Stephanie. Come with me.”
I was escorted (running actually, with bad knee and all) down the hall and was shown into an exam room, only to have the door unceremoniously slammed. Okay, real good first impression.
Two minutes later.
A gentle knock. “Miss Patterson?” Was I dreaming? The young resident who does the scut work for the surgeon came in and took a history and gave me my preliminary exam.
Two minutes later.
“Miss Patterson? Hi, I’m Dr. Cut-up (fictional name, okay?).” He reviewed my x-rays, drew diagrams, performed his exam, pronounced my sentence, along with a few options, shook hands, and wished me a good day.
Back in the “Check-Out Area.” No – it wasn’t K-Mart.
5 desks – ONE person working. I handed the lady my paperwork. “Stephanie – do you need another appointment?”
“No thanks, Doris. I’m to call in a few months.” I give up - they won. Time to give them a dose of their own medicine. Doris, needless to say, was not very pleased that a patient had the nerve to use her first name.
Interesting – the doctors, from two different generations, addressed me as an adult of 58 years old, while the staff, young enough to be my children, took it upon themselves to use my first name.
This is not only a doctor’s office experience, but it happens on the phone for business calls. “Is Stephanie there?” My sarcastic response is, “This is Miss Patterson.” Silence………… “Oh, is this Stephanie Patterson?” “Right the first time.” “Okay, Stephanie,” I’m calling about…..” “Uh, You’re speaking with Miss Patterson. What is the nature of your call please?” Silence….. “I’m looking for Stephanie.” Finally I give up, tell the person calling that he/she has reached the correct person, but being an adult, I only allow friends, family, and my colleagues at work to use my first name – or others to whom I give permission.
This is how I was raised – and most civilized people in prior generations: Adults are addressed by their surnames and a title. I was afforded this courtesy even by some of my high school teachers and ALL of my college teachers.
What happened?
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1 comment:
I don’t give a darn how old you are, if an unknown person is greeting another for whatever reason the first name is not allowed until permission is given.
PERIOD!
Down here in the South, you may get Ma'am-ed to death however. Which is fine as it is polite.
I was greeted today by a young lady at the Good Will who was nice enough to call me Ma'am as she wrote out my tax receipt. I don't mind being referred to as Miz Paul.
I never have gotten accustomed to the idea of a "more friendly" or Family oriented professionals’ office.
I am there to see my doctor, he may call me Rose but his nurse may call me Mrs. Paul...when he deigns to call me. The people out front call me by my married name but of course my doctors office is even deeper in Dixie it being in Atlanta.
It should be made apparent to people that in a professional setting your dialect (speaking clearly and concisely), your appearance (wear clothes appropriate for your field of employment and make sure they fit for Pete’s sake!) and your manner (calling people by their titles, covering your mouth when you cough, eat with your mouth closed and turn down your cell phone and speaking voice in a public place) is important in getting and keeping a job. You will not go far in business if act a total slob or dress like a street whore.
I am sorry people but that is the true way of the world. We Southerners are a bit more relaxed than Northerners, but even we use our serviettes and not our sleeves when eating barbecue!
In Washington D.C I am told it is best if at political or professional dinner parties that you eat continental. Now that is something that should be taught to you when you first learn to wield a knife and fork but how often do you see, when eating out, people using their fork or spoon as a shovel?
I actually shudder when I think what the next generations will be like. I guess it will be left up to Dixie to lead the way in manners and gentility...again!
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